Do My Grandkids Hear Lies About Me?
One of the hardest parts of long-term estrangement is knowing your grandkids hear lies about you. Over time, many grandparents begin to fear that their adult child is reshaping the past. These stories often serve a purpose—to justify the estrangement, paint the parent as a victim, or explain your absence in a way that keeps you out of reach.
Sometimes these statements are born out of unresolved trauma. Other times, they stem from control, resentment, or even misinformation. While it may not make sense to you, alienating parents may actually believe the stories they’re telling—or have convinced themselves it’s necessary to protect their child from you, even when that’s far from the truth.
How to Respond When Your Grandkids Hear Lies About You
You may not be able to control the narrative being shared in your absence, but you can control what you do now. One of the most powerful things you can do when your grandkids are hearing lies is to keep a journal or write letters that capture your love and memories.
Describe what you remember: the way they laughed when you pushed them on the swing, how you baked cookies together, how proud you were of their drawings. Use this time to create a record—a love letter that can one day show the truth of who you are and how you never stopped caring. This isn’t just for them. It helps you process your grief and remain grounded in the truth.
What If They Forget Me or Fear Me?
This is a heartbreaking fear for many grandparents. When grandkids are hearing lies over months—or even years—they may begin to believe them. Estrangement often stretches longer than we expect. Some studies show that the average estrangement lasts about 7 years, though many grandparents go decades without contact.
Children are impressionable. If your adult child has painted you as harmful, unstable, or unsafe, your grandchild may become afraid or confused about who you really are. This makes reconnection more complicated—but not impossible. Kids grow up. Many begin to question what they were told. The more time passes, the more curious they may become about who you are and what really happened.
Keeping a Trail of Truth Alive
When your grandkids are hearing lies, leaving a trail of truth can be a powerful gift. Some grandparents blog, write books, or save emails and photos that document their journey. These stories don’t have to be public—they just need to exist. Someday, your grandchild may come looking.
Speak from the heart. Avoid blaming their parents, even if it’s tempting. Show compassion. Show growth. Let your grandchild see that you stayed present in spirit, even if you were kept away physically. Keep proof that you remembered birthdays, holidays, and important milestones.
What You Can Do Right Now
If you’re worried that your grandkids are hearing lies, the most powerful step is to continue working on yourself. Get support. Find a community. Read books on healing from estrangement, non-violent communication, and generational trauma. These tools not only help you cope—they prepare you for the day when reconnecting becomes possible.
You may not be able to force a reunion, but you can stay ready for one. You can soften your heart, clarify your story, and hold space for the possibility that your grandchild will one day want to know the truth.
A Final Word of Hope
You are not alone. Many grandparents are living in silent grief, feeling forgotten and misrepresented. But remember: children grow up. Truth finds a way. And love, when held with quiet patience, can be one of the most powerful forces for reconnection.
You matter. Your love matters. And your grandchild deserves to know it.
📌 For more on coping with long-term alienation and leaving a legacy of love, visit GrandAlienNation on Facebook and Instagram for daily doses of hope, possibilities and positivity.